96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
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