just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
