I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
