God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
