matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
