she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Randomize
