Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
well I can't set my house on fire every night
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Randomize
