I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
