On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
