I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Randomize
