Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Randomize
