maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
