While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
