I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Randomize
