I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Randomize
