Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
