i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
