I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
