Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
