Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
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