its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
