Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Randomize
