FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Randomize
