I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
