so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
