so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
