I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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