would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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