Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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