just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
PS: I just woke up from my shower
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
