"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
