You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
