No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
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