I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize