Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
