he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize