I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Randomize