Whatcha textin bout Willis?
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize