Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
