Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
