oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
