i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
