I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
How external is "for external use only"?
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
