Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
