I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Randomize
