She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
Randomize
