it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
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