I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Randomize
