We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
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