I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
