ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
