I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
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