So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
17 year olds will be the death of me.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
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