You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
