Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Randomize
