she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
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