I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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