I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
