we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
