Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
