I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
