They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I won't apologize to a one balled man
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
