No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
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