So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
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